Tuesday, November 10, 2009

missing you.




really feeling it these few days. I miss my sister. Not that I don't miss her at all but sometimes reality hits me hard, one night when I was staring into the darkness outside of my window. 14 years since I've been away from her. I never understand how it feels or experience how is it like to go school together with your sister. It is really not about being in the same school or not, it doesn't matter; but I wasn't given the chance to bring her to school.

I recently saw on facebk with that social interview thing my sis did.

The question was "If you were given a chance to go back to the age you want, what would it be?"

She answered "4? So I can stay with my brother always, without any troubles. Totally in our own world."

It doesn't help with how I'm feeling right now.

All these years I never knew how it was like to stay with your own sister; growing up, going to school, shopping, eat or play together. I reflect upon my life for over the past decade and yes that is what it is. We led our own individual lives and thus far we have went.

So people always say we shouldn't harp on the past, and must embrace the future with open arms. But aside to that, I'm pretty lost.

"I can't change the past, I can't change how I'm feeling - But I can change what I want to do about it, I can build on the future." - c.k. loh

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Chapter 6.2 - Dreams; embrace tomorrow and cherish today.




“…daydreams, as it were ... I look out the window sometimes to seek the color of the shadows and the different greens in the trees, but when I get ready to paint I just close my eyes and imagine a scene.”
- ‘Grandma’ Moses

Talk about dreams. Many embrace the promises of tomorrow, too few celebrate the joy of today.

Someone asked if I'm excited about next year. I said I'm not.

People come and go. You make friends, and make new friends. You gain some, and lose some together.

I asked myself, 'is this the beauty of life?'


I closed my eyes. And this is what I saw.

Friday, November 06, 2009

run away.





Can do the same? I want to dive, deep down into the waters. I want to run away; I want to escape.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Chapter 6.1 - When letting go is receiving

Paid a visit to the RSPCA before my midsems and figured he's my favourite dog over there! hahaa. Handsome boy.



Took this picture behind my school. Was plucking plants (pastures) for one of my assignment, where we have to learn almost everything about soils and the different pastures. It's madness. Never have I ever wondered the dirt I trample on and the green I played a soccer ball on, makes me piss my pants for exam.

The building there is actually the old folks' estate beside my school, like a whole estate built specially for old folks to live together. The suburb around my school is quiet in the day, and nothing moves after hours (this is where all old folks stay!). Hah. Peaceful (:


Standing on the same spot, photograph taken at about 5pm in spring. Simply lovely. :)


Rugby post.

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Decided to go have a check on something under my foot. Been going on for 2 months and now that I can't walk properly I figured I better have it checked!


Afterhours GP.. very very dodgy clinic beside the hospital.

Haha. That window there is the reception! so old school! and I paid $85 for consultation.


Yeah, after hours.
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This is one of the sunday evenings when I was walking back to my room from the vet building...study study study. too much info, too little time.

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Let me introduce.. he's CHARLIE.!! Caught him outside my flat yesterday. The shingleback, blue-tongued or the Bobtail they call it here. Native species and I will not be allowed to keep it for long. Pretty amazing boy.


I've this interest such exotic species. Planning to do my independent research and study next year on them. Will make a special request to the vet school to allow me to go into exotic species!


I left Charlie beside my bed, right beside my pillow last night, oh what a pretty boy. :D Wildlife is is truly breathtaking. Can I get any closer to wildlife? Yes I can. more more!!

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I'll be taking part in the RAT race next month, first time which is held in Perth. Will be racing for Oxfam, a global poverty organisation. I can't wait for it. It's held over 2 days, including street races on foot, bike and kayaks, absailing and overcoming obstacles. It's like an amazing race I'd put it. A team of 3 and here we go!

My team's Team L'mighty, and fundraising prior to the race is crucial!! Here's our website for donation: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/team_lmighty Everyone makes a difference! Be it $2 to $10, every bit counts. Our target is $800. If you can make a difference towards global poverty and injustice, why not?

This is my personal fundraising page: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/choonkiat_loh

I'll soon post our team photo up! Fundraising ends before my race on the 7-8th november, so I'd really appreciate if you can help!

Yup that's all for now. and it's SUMMERRRRRR. !!! 32deg now for a start. =O

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Chapter 6 - Marching into spring with twenty-first birthday


Three days before my 21st, they struck. This is what friends are for. hahah. They knew my parents will be here in perth on the 28th. So they gave me a huge surprise on the 27th. Had a lil party in my flat, a surprise party in fact. Drank a couple bottles of beer. and then got thrown into the pool, on a winter night. It was 9 degrees then and I swear nobody would want to be anywhere near the pool.


Then on the morning of the faithful day, my birthday. Charmaine and her mom came over to my campus and passed me some food and sang me a sweet birthday song! The best part of the whole thing was the 'kong ba bao'. my goodness. her mom made it herself, and it was the best thing I've ever tasted since I came over to perth. Simply loved it. =) Appreciated it!



Then at about noon time, parents and bro came over. With a cake and presents. Had this cookbook from weiming. He passed it to my parents in singapore so they could bring it over. (: yup. Now I've a few recipes to follow.


- choco cake.


Went to spend my entire day at Caversham wildlife park.!


Then on a roadtrip, down south. and back up north to The Pinnacles! The Pinnacles is the desert area up north. It was pretty amazing. Spent 4 days on a roadtrip. It was very tiring but now I'm beginning to appreciate the outbacks of Western Australia. I love the farms and vineyards along the way. I love the way the weather is. I love the little suburbs away from perth city. They seemed so peaceful. Tranquility is all I seek.


On their last day in perth, I brought them around the city to different places. Tried the famous dim sum restaurant..had a few bites here and there. Went to a couple of shopping centres. We had dinner together every night and I'd never in my life forget the days when they came over for my 21st. It wasn't a planned trip. I only heard from my dad that they're coming to perth two weeks before my birthday and poof! here they come. Yup and a week is all we have in perth.

Then on the night they were supposed to leave for home, we had a last dinner together at a chinese restaurant before they dropped me off at my campus. That was about 9pm and off they go. It was a midnight flight. Although I only had their company for 7 days, but the memories left behind for me will last me a lifetime. Personally I would rather them save up the money and not come over to perth but all that done, I'm truly touched and and how I feel is beyond words.

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So here comes spring with crazy winds and rain everyday. I never fail to not get caught in the rain every morning I step out of my flat and headed for classes. Winds are getting crazier and it just amuses me to see the umbrella of the girl in front of me get wrecked as soon as we suffer the full onslaught of head winds. School's back to how it was before the study break and workload's simply piling up.

Sometimes I look at my friends and I admire them for having their family here and so they would return to a place call home after classes. One returns to a home knowing that dinner will be ready in a while, clothes can be left in the washing machine and gets washed somehow by the weekend, a quiet and peaceful night to study. You can be half awake and still walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water withoutu tripping over any furniture. You know you're safe because mom and dad is around. You know it's home because you hear the usual television program that is on air. You know it's home because you can smell it. You know it's home because you see your loved ones.

I never once realise how I should have cherish the place I call home, back then. Not many can understand what I'm blabbering about for the fact that I never did. Till today I can only reassure myself all that I'm going through now is for the future.

This brings me to another point. If given a second chance, I'd want to treat my parents and grandma better (not that I've been rude and ill treating them!). There was a night when it suddenly dawn upon me that when I was still a baby and I shitted in my diapers, who were the ones who cleaned me up? When my diaper was soaked with urine at the end of the day, who were the ones who changed a clean diaper for me, and wash the soiled one? When I cried, who carried and rocked me to sleep? When I learned to walk and fell, who was the first to rush to pick me up and dust away the sand and dirt off my hands? When I climbed the stairs, who was the one who encouraged me to finish the flight of stairs? Who taught me my first timetable of math? And when I kept asking 'Why?", I don't remember anyone who ignored me.

I look at my brother and thought, when we were young our parents gave us everything they could. We were inquisitive and wanted to poke our noses into everything we see. We wanted to touch and ask "what is this?". I can't emphasize how important these lessons are in life, that when we grow older and start to have a life of our own. It's about time, to give back. When parents grow old they start to give up many things in life, because they believe their sacrifices are definitely worth for the sake of the kids.
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One day when I was still in singapore, in the car with dad. He told me how he gave up certain dreams in life, because he said when one settles down and start a family, one will slowly learn to let go and make sacrifices. Everyone has dreams. When you were young, remember you said you wanted to be pilot, policeman, teacher, sportsman...scientist..?
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I can't express in words the immense amount of sacrifices from them till this date. Yes I want to be a veterinarian, I want to have a family and settle down, I want to travel the world and get involved in animal rescue missions, I want to travel and give lectures and talks. I have a plan for my future. You have your plan. But before all these, shouldn't we take a step back and think about the future of our parents? Others before self; too big a word for me. Parents before self; certainly.

Cheers.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Chapter 5.5 - August fades away; winter ends.

August comes to an end. Winter's almost over. Here comes spring. Nights are still as cold as ever, winds still haven't got over their craze. Four days ago my dad told me they're coming to visit me in Perth. When? 27 Aug. Little did I realised it's next thursday. Okay, what a random decision. Guessed they'll be here for a week. Dad says this is his get away from work. Well, he should wind down. Really wasn't expecting that. I think they're here to celebrate my birthday for me. Possibly. I don't usually treat birthdays seriously so I guess it's a bonus for me this year then. Appreciated.

And so, 29 aug. I remember two years ago, I started off my 28km graduation road march on the 28 aug. We marched through the night, and I've my army mates wishing me happy birthday after midnight. Reached back camp at about 4.30am for graduation ceremony. What a way to spend my birthday then. I thought it was interesting though, and that which still remains in my memory proves a point.

Three weeks since I came back. I'm having serious sleep disorder. I believed something isn't too right about me at the moment. For a week or two, I haven't slept more than 4 hours everyday. It's accumulative fatigue if you'd put it. But again, I don't feel tired everyday even if I end late in school. (falling asleep in lecture isn't counted.) Yesterday had a full day and went for almost a 2 hour soccer session. Those crazy guys, they didn't have half time! Came back yet I'm still wide awake till past 1am. Laid in bed since half past nine till past eleven. It can be pretty torturing to not sleep when you want to. Thousands of thoughts flashed past my mind while in bed, staring into the immense darkness. I ask myself questions and answer them on my own. With my ipod plucked in, this often goes on for hours.

Called ah ma a few days back. Found out she wasn't feeling well. No wonder she never skype with me. Again, no one told me until I find out myself. Seriously. If again I'm the last to find out anything serious, trust me to fly back singapore in the next couple of hours.

Had my farm practicals with pigs last week. Had to be in overalls and gum boots. Learned to move pigs from A to B, weighing them, restraining them for drawing blood and checkup, gauging their well-being and health, giving antibiotics. Learned possibly alot in the short three hours. Had a good scrub on my hands and boots before I left in view of biosecurity reasons. Covered in dirt and shit and urine. Hands smelt of pig shit for the entire night. But I still enjoyed my dinner, haha! This job isn't for the weak hearted man. Go in, get dirty and get the job done. I simply love what I do. (:

This is the life I look forward to. Away from the hustle of the city and business districts. Into the woods and greeneries.

At the moment, there's just so much to do, and consider. Bits and pieces, going in every directions. I feel so ripped apart. But for sure, I'll survive this tough patch. What doesn't kill, makes you stronger. I held on to this.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Chapter 5.4 - Be a man; letting it go.

Two weeks into the second semester of the year, and two weeks since I came back to Perth. Within the two weeks I've learned a very valuable skill in life; about letting things go, giving certain entities up. Yes, be a man, and let it go. If you think it's painful to not have something you yearn for, it's agonizing to not know how to let go of what you already have.

I wouldn't say it's exactly terrible. It's just wretched. Yes I can't put into words how I must have felt during many of the nights. I just ponder over it, again and again. I can't seem to get it off my chest, or mind for the matter of fact. When can I get to see my loved ones again. ah ma's not getting any younger, already seventy-nine years of age. Then I felt so helpless when I can't even help my own sister through her O levels. Everyone knows the Os or any school leaving examinations are the most stressful part of the teenager's life. She told me she's having trouble with maths, physics and chemistry. I'm utterly disappointed in myself. I traded in so much, for what I want to achieve. Selfish? Just maybe.

Everyday I look at my wardrobe, seeing the same clothes and a couple of shoes. I stare at my bookshelf but the number of books and notes just kept increasing. I tell myself this is all I have, I don't think I've anything that is important to me back at home in singapore, anymore. These are sufficient to see me through years, just enough for me to bring myself through. Letting go; I've learnt. Learn to give up your own possessions may just make you a happier man. Life isn't always about chasing and grabbing hold of this and that, it's also about letting go. Let go of your past, let go of it. Dump away those emotions within, and look forward, keep the big picture in mind.

Meeting and parting are part and parcel of life. When it's time to part, don't cry. Many a time we cry because we still hold on to what's dear to us. It's never an easy task to tell yourself otherwise. I'm thankful to have you, my soulmate, to walk through difficult times. Entertaining my nonsense during wee hours in the morning at four o'clock isn't something anyone can do. (: