Thursday, August 20, 2009

Chapter 5.5 - August fades away; winter ends.

August comes to an end. Winter's almost over. Here comes spring. Nights are still as cold as ever, winds still haven't got over their craze. Four days ago my dad told me they're coming to visit me in Perth. When? 27 Aug. Little did I realised it's next thursday. Okay, what a random decision. Guessed they'll be here for a week. Dad says this is his get away from work. Well, he should wind down. Really wasn't expecting that. I think they're here to celebrate my birthday for me. Possibly. I don't usually treat birthdays seriously so I guess it's a bonus for me this year then. Appreciated.

And so, 29 aug. I remember two years ago, I started off my 28km graduation road march on the 28 aug. We marched through the night, and I've my army mates wishing me happy birthday after midnight. Reached back camp at about 4.30am for graduation ceremony. What a way to spend my birthday then. I thought it was interesting though, and that which still remains in my memory proves a point.

Three weeks since I came back. I'm having serious sleep disorder. I believed something isn't too right about me at the moment. For a week or two, I haven't slept more than 4 hours everyday. It's accumulative fatigue if you'd put it. But again, I don't feel tired everyday even if I end late in school. (falling asleep in lecture isn't counted.) Yesterday had a full day and went for almost a 2 hour soccer session. Those crazy guys, they didn't have half time! Came back yet I'm still wide awake till past 1am. Laid in bed since half past nine till past eleven. It can be pretty torturing to not sleep when you want to. Thousands of thoughts flashed past my mind while in bed, staring into the immense darkness. I ask myself questions and answer them on my own. With my ipod plucked in, this often goes on for hours.

Called ah ma a few days back. Found out she wasn't feeling well. No wonder she never skype with me. Again, no one told me until I find out myself. Seriously. If again I'm the last to find out anything serious, trust me to fly back singapore in the next couple of hours.

Had my farm practicals with pigs last week. Had to be in overalls and gum boots. Learned to move pigs from A to B, weighing them, restraining them for drawing blood and checkup, gauging their well-being and health, giving antibiotics. Learned possibly alot in the short three hours. Had a good scrub on my hands and boots before I left in view of biosecurity reasons. Covered in dirt and shit and urine. Hands smelt of pig shit for the entire night. But I still enjoyed my dinner, haha! This job isn't for the weak hearted man. Go in, get dirty and get the job done. I simply love what I do. (:

This is the life I look forward to. Away from the hustle of the city and business districts. Into the woods and greeneries.

At the moment, there's just so much to do, and consider. Bits and pieces, going in every directions. I feel so ripped apart. But for sure, I'll survive this tough patch. What doesn't kill, makes you stronger. I held on to this.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Chapter 5.4 - Be a man; letting it go.

Two weeks into the second semester of the year, and two weeks since I came back to Perth. Within the two weeks I've learned a very valuable skill in life; about letting things go, giving certain entities up. Yes, be a man, and let it go. If you think it's painful to not have something you yearn for, it's agonizing to not know how to let go of what you already have.

I wouldn't say it's exactly terrible. It's just wretched. Yes I can't put into words how I must have felt during many of the nights. I just ponder over it, again and again. I can't seem to get it off my chest, or mind for the matter of fact. When can I get to see my loved ones again. ah ma's not getting any younger, already seventy-nine years of age. Then I felt so helpless when I can't even help my own sister through her O levels. Everyone knows the Os or any school leaving examinations are the most stressful part of the teenager's life. She told me she's having trouble with maths, physics and chemistry. I'm utterly disappointed in myself. I traded in so much, for what I want to achieve. Selfish? Just maybe.

Everyday I look at my wardrobe, seeing the same clothes and a couple of shoes. I stare at my bookshelf but the number of books and notes just kept increasing. I tell myself this is all I have, I don't think I've anything that is important to me back at home in singapore, anymore. These are sufficient to see me through years, just enough for me to bring myself through. Letting go; I've learnt. Learn to give up your own possessions may just make you a happier man. Life isn't always about chasing and grabbing hold of this and that, it's also about letting go. Let go of your past, let go of it. Dump away those emotions within, and look forward, keep the big picture in mind.

Meeting and parting are part and parcel of life. When it's time to part, don't cry. Many a time we cry because we still hold on to what's dear to us. It's never an easy task to tell yourself otherwise. I'm thankful to have you, my soulmate, to walk through difficult times. Entertaining my nonsense during wee hours in the morning at four o'clock isn't something anyone can do. (:

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Chapter 5.3 - The future that flashed past.

Already been a week since I came back. Started school, attended lectures, lab sessions and farm practicals. Feels like nothing's changed ever since I went back to singapore for a couple of weeks. Other than a few new faces in school, the lecture theatres feels the same, smells the same. The air here tasted no difference, except a lil colder this time. Perhaps towards the dry side.

This semester seemed tough. I'm getting all of it in the first week already. 2 lab sessions, and a farm practical every week. Three hours each. Add these to the lectures and tutorials for each of the units. Nope this isn't going to be tough, I prefer to see it as a challenge, a challenge to me. And these challenges and obstacles are present before me for me to overcome them. That's their only purpose. For the future I will fight for it, or the future I never will once say I give up. I guess when you know what's worth fighting for, you will go for it. well, to put it in another manner - mind over matter.

My farm practs is kinda crazy. Examinations' on cattle, horse, pigs and sheep handling. Approaching them, bringing them into the shed, walking horses, feeding and stuff like that are all assessed. The amazing part is species identification. Little did I realised the incredible number of different breeds of horses, cattle, pigs and sheeps! Assessement is like me in the horse paddocks alone, with over 20 students and examiners standing outside watching. As one of the lady in the farm mentioned - I'm not going to listen to reasons like oh you can't perform when everyone's watching you if you fail the exams. When you guys graduate as vets, you will be always dealing with customers and you're not going to be alone with the owner's cattle, everyone's going to watch what you do. You guys better start getting use to it, and don't blame me if anyone of you fail my assessement.

Scary woman. Everyone's so scared of her. Talking to her alone is worse than being with a bull alone in the shed. Lastly..She'd be the one who will test us on identifying 20 different species of plants and herbs! I heard it's tested off the plantation itself.. she'll point at the plant and we've to write down the specie name of the plant, almost immediately.

Her words seemed so harsh, yet impactful. She set me thinking on how a farm vet works. Clinical and farm vets are like two different profession. The way of life is so different. Farm vets not only ensure the well-being and health of the animals, but know the breeding season, suitable types of soil for different grass and thus food and nutrition. When you deal with pigs, there're many biosecurity issues as well, given the currently global pandemic. It's a very very very dirty work. such a vast difference. It's really nothing about the soil and mud and menure. Yes they stink, they smell, it's wet and definitely not the kind of working environment many vets who are used to staying in highrise apartments, will be used to. I'd beg to differ...if you're dirty, you can always clean up at the end of the day. If you truly believe in what you do, where your passion lies, nothing will present itself large enough to stop you from doing it.

As I am still going on and on and on about farm vets, I realised I've an imminent issue ahead. The idea of applying as a PR isn't something I'd look forward to. which means, I wouldn't be able to leave here for the next two years. It's two years. I haven't told many, for I don't see the need to. for me, I believe nothing is certain, things will change. it's always about the 'who knows..?' and the buts and ifs. That's how I am looking at it at the moment.

Life is amazing. Live life to the fullest! Everyday is a gift, count your blessings. Today must be better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. :)