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Look, if both of you are reading this, I'd thank god. If not, so be it. I'm sick of this.

I understand that as a son, it's all the right for me to live in my own home. I'd pretty much like to do that. BUT IT IS NOT EASY AT ALL FOR ME TO ADAPT TO THAT SICKENING PASIR RIS PLACE. I CAN'T GO JOGGING IN THE NIGHT, I CAN'T GO SWIMMING WITH MY FRIENDS WHENEVER I WANTED TO, GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS IS A PROBLEM (ALL LIVING IN THE WEST!!).

WHAT ABOUT MY ST JOHN TRAININGS, THEY HAVE A COMPETITION NEXT YEAR, I'M THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE, THE REST NEED TIME FOR THEIR FINAL YEAR EXAM, I CANNOT BE SELFISH, DO YOU F**KING GET IT.

EVERYTIME I GO FOR FIRST AID DUTIES, YOU'D ASKED IF AM I PAID. I AM NOT !! I REPEATED MYSELF UMPTEEN TIMES ALREADY! I AM NOT IGNORANT, I CAN SENSE THE SIGNAL YOU ARE GIVING ME -- "why are you doing all these? waste of time? not paid.." COME ON, THE SENSE OF SATISFACTION I GET FROM ALL THESE VOLUNTEER WORK I DO CAN NEVER EVER BE BOUGHT WITH MONEY, AND THIS IS WHAT I LOVE DO TO. I GET JOY FROM THESE, CAN YOU GIVE ME SUCH SECURITY EMOTIONALLY? I'M SORRY, YOU 2 CAN'T. NEVER.

I MENTIONED ABOUT GOING TO ZOO TO DO 2 WEEKS OF VOLUNTEER WORK, YOU ASKED THE SAME THING, GIVE ME THE SAME SIGNAL AGAIN. WTF IS ALL THESE? WHY ARE YOU 2 PILING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON ME? CAN'T I EVEN RELAX MYSELF AFTER MY A LEVELS, IT'S BARELY 2 WEEKS AFTER MY LAST PAPER.

CAN'T U 2 SEE THAT I'M TRYING MY BEST TO GO BACK EVERY WEEK, AT LEAST FOR A FEW DAYS, BUT WHAT CAN I DO THERE. THE PLACE IS SO ISOLATED, AT LEAST A FREAKING KILOMETRE FROM PASIR RIS MRT. I DON FEEL HAPPY THERE, IT'S AS GOOD AS I'M IMPRISONED.

WOULD YOU RATHER ME TO STAY IN CCK WITH MY AH MA WHOM I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS? OR YOU WOULD YOU RATHER ME TO GO INSANE OR CRAZY TO STAY IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL. PLEASE, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DON'T WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE CONSEQUENCES, YOU 2 WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT.

NOW WHAT, NOW YOU WANT TO TERMINATE MY INTERNET CONNECTION? WHAT IS THIS? SOME SORT OF A WAY TO FORCE ME TO GO BACK PASIR RIS? YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, I'VE TOO MUCH AFFLIATIONS IN CCK, TOO MANY TO NAME. I CAN'T JUST GO BACK AND MEANS REALLY GO BACK FOR GOOD. IT'S NOT REASONABLE!

I'M SORRY, I CANNOT ASSIMILATE HOW YOU 2 THINK, IF YOU REALLY TERMINATE MY INTERNET, I'M COOL WITH IT. AT LEAST I FEEL HAPPIER STAYING WITH MY AH MA.

LATELY, I REALISED THAT YOU'RE BECOMING MORE AND MORE STUBBORN. SERIOUSLY, I DON'T WANT TO VOICE OUT, IT MAKES ME APPEAR TO BE VERY RUDE.

ONE THING I REALLY CANNOT ACCEPT, WE ALL ARE BUDDHISTS, ISN'T DOING VOLUNTEER WORK WHAT HAVE BEEN PREACHED? I CAN SEE THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE DEVOTED BUDDHISTS, BUT WHY THE REPLY I GET WHENEVER I MENTIONED ABOUT ME DOING THEM?

I HAVE NO INTENTION TO BE PART OF THE FAMILY, IT DOESN'T GIVE ME AN IDENTITY, IT DOESN'T GIVE ME SECURITY, IT DOESN'T GIVE ME EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Lastly, I don't understand why am I only given $50 pocket money for sometimes 2 weeks, most of the time 3-4 weeks. I try to save for what I want to buy, but it seems it is seemingly impossible. Never mind about money, I'm cool with this - already used to it.