sigh. Don't really feel good these few weeks.
Rushed down to kss to check out st john training after I booked out yesterday afternoon at about 1.45pm. Heard that training's till after 4pm. haha. great. Feels good to be back in school. And of course, seeing fellow buddies in SJ, and not forgetting relieving the joy of watching juniors training hard. Best moments I've ever enjoyed.
But those moments will not last. Nothing lasts forever. Time passes so fast that before I realised, it was already 7.45pm after we'd dinner together. Heard everyone talking about 'Kiat's Facts' by mr brown..lol.
Went over to zhen's house to watch FA cup final...boring match. Ate about 4 packets of potato chips plus many biscuits. Feel asleep at some intervals...was too tired. Left at about 12.35am, missed the last LRT. Then got lost in bukit panjang before I caught a cab home. So tired that I couldn't think straight and navigate my way around.
Reached my ah ma house and slept straight away. Haven slept on this bed for ages already. The bed I've been sleeping on for the past 7-8 years? Feels good. But I didn't give it too much thought, fell asleep as soon as I grabbed my pillow and blanket.
Woke up this morning at 8.40am, brushed my teeth n fell asleep again. Woke up at 11.30am. Feeling the fatigue from the intense training, and of course the field camp which was ....... :) The first thing that came to my mind is that I've to book in tonight... and the cycle repeats itself again. yet another week.
Last week I nearly cried in camp. Didn't like it at all. missed my ah ma very much.
Feeling very down as I jotted all these down.
But we guys don't have a choice, do we? That explains the title of this post.
Checked my email this morning. Got acceptance from University of Queensland for Bachelor of Medical and Veterinary Surgery... Veterinary Science faculty!! Damn shocked. Have to accept the acceptance by october 2007... they only take in 32 international students per year. But I'll wait for Uni of Murdoch to reply. Hope they accept me!
I am searching...not for anything else but searching for joy. It's really torturing not to find joy since then. I seemed to lost the smile I had, the laughter that would accompany the smile.
This ain't easy at all. It ain't fun.
I want to stay home with my ah ma. I want to go out have a game of soccer with my buddies like zhen and nash. I want to sleep on my own bed. I want to eat home cooked food everyday. I want to be able to catch up with my friends. I want to have a weekend that I don't have to think about booking in on sunday evening.
But hell no. These previliges are taken away.
"When the going gets tough, you'll only get tougher." How tough have I gotten? Can I get any more tougher? I'm beginning to doubt. Where is the limit, or is the sky my limit?
I'll end my post here. Need to get some rest. Next 2 weeks is another hell for me. It's really a constant struggle emotionally and mentally.
All the best friends...cherish what you've now. especially your loved ones... trust me.