I wouldn't say it's exactly terrible. It's just wretched. Yes I can't put into words how I must have felt during many of the nights. I just ponder over it, again and again. I can't seem to get it off my chest, or mind for the matter of fact. When can I get to see my loved ones again. ah ma's not getting any younger, already seventy-nine years of age. Then I felt so helpless when I can't even help my own sister through her O levels. Everyone knows the Os or any school leaving examinations are the most stressful part of the teenager's life. She told me she's having trouble with maths, physics and chemistry. I'm utterly disappointed in myself. I traded in so much, for what I want to achieve. Selfish? Just maybe.
Everyday I look at my wardrobe, seeing the same clothes and a couple of shoes. I stare at my bookshelf but the number of books and notes just kept increasing. I tell myself this is all I have, I don't think I've anything that is important to me back at home in singapore, anymore. These are sufficient to see me through years, just enough for me to bring myself through. Letting go; I've learnt. Learn to give up your own possessions may just make you a happier man. Life isn't always about chasing and grabbing hold of this and that, it's also about letting go. Let go of your past, let go of it. Dump away those emotions within, and look forward, keep the big picture in mind.
Meeting and parting are part and parcel of life. When it's time to part, don't cry. Many a time we cry because we still hold on to what's dear to us. It's never an easy task to tell yourself otherwise. I'm thankful to have you, my soulmate, to walk through difficult times. Entertaining my nonsense during wee hours in the morning at four o'clock isn't something anyone can do. (:
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