Haven't been home for a very long time. Even so, it's just a few hours, often to have a meal and a nap. It's really been a long time since I stayed at home for more than half a day. I can't remember when was the last time I had more than a day staying at home and reading newspaper. Was it in February or early March? Even at home, I don't see ah ma, she's busy taking care of my cousins at my aunt house.
For the past few days while I'm out and staying awake through the nights, I feel really lonely and a sense of helplessness. I've seen many times the moon rise up to the sky. Sometimes the quietness of the night dawned upon me, and then again, many things will run through your mind. I find this inevitable. And then when it rains and covers up the moonlight, you realised the sky is crying, too. What happened to the life of a twenty-year old? This isn't what is supposed to be! A walking zombie.
Personal time. Personal space. Something that every single soul needs. But again, before I can find some of that of my own, it will be the end of April and the next one or two working days that rise up in May will see myself flying off to South Africa. When I'm back, it'll be already June. Half of 2008 have passed. wow. Amazing.
Sometimes I've this crazy thought of becoming an invisible soul so that I could peep into other people's life and see what exactly is happening. I've come to myself that if one day when ah ma leave me, do I have anyone to turn to? I know what you'll be thinking, my mom and dad right. I'd glad to see them bring up my brother, let him be a happy boy, a happy teen. He who knows that he has a happy family. They should never let him go through what me and sis have gone through. It's bad enough. Really.
Hmm. talking about sis. I haven't see you since chinese new year! It's going to be another 2 months before I get any single chance of meeting you.
Alright. gotta go. I'm only back for the night, yep.