She called me 2 days ago to make sure I'll be home today for dinner so she could prepare in advance. Then today she came into my room and wanted to give me something cos she said this is gonna be the last birthday I'll be celebrating with her. and also the last birthday she'll see me in person. (Like I'm leaving next feb to perth for my vet studies). I rejected it and told her she can always give it to me another other year when I'm back to visit her. But she insisted..and told me she might not be around anymore when I come back next year..or the year after..and so on. 6 years in all for my study.
(tried to say something but couldn't bring myself to)
12 years is how long I've been living under the same roof with her. yes, same address all along. She saw me through primary school, secondary school, junior college, and now about to see me through my national service. During my primary school days, I've always been proud to say that I want to be a veterinarian in the future. I said the same thing to her 4 years after I got my PSLE certification. Now that when I am finally being presented with the opportunity, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I'd need to leave for 6 years.
At that moment I was reading my book on "The Last Lecture", (about a professor who gave his/a last lecture before he left us after a few months' battle with a pancreatic cancer.) I was still trying to finish up a chapter when I realised my mind wasn't with the book anymore, after which I slapped the book in between my hands, and placed it down.
Reality really hits people hard at times. and it gets painful. It's actually something that doesn't make much noise but in fact the most hurtful. I'm counting my months left, thinking every now and then, every night over very simple and mundane issues yet doesn't seemed so when I know I am losing them. 4 months left and counting...
I wished I hadn't need to leave my homeland. It isn't something to get excited over. I know I am not, at all.
Today's the day I will remember for life. A day which will be etched in my memories..
[to ah ma: I'll prove that I'm worth that degree for the next couple of years. I will still want you to attend my graduation!]
*writing this down so that I can look back in futre to remind myself.