Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Chapter 8.3 - Childhood is special


Each one of us have our own unique childhood, millions of different stories we can share, it is just that special. It's special because no one can take those memories of your own childhood away. It's yours, forever. How far back can you remember? The furthest I could reach was during kindergarden, I could remember a zillion of things I did during then, but I struggled to recall much I did with my sis. Back then I wasn't already staying under the same roof with my sis, parents' marriage wasn't exactly stable (I can remember that), I only saw my sis during the weekends.

Not till primary school when I couldn't really think of much too, for the very simple reason that she's only 3 years old then. Soon after a year into primary school, I transferred to another school and hadn't seen my sis much, ever since then. Stayed with granny five out of seven days a week, sometimes I dread going back to my own home because the home isn't a home to be, mom and dad quarreled almost every now and then. I wanted to catch my power rangers on TV and make sure my sis slept during the afternoons after class. But for the matter of fact, till today, I've always believed we're the worst hit casualties of a marriage that'd about to fall apart.

'the picture on top is my sis, and me, below.

'when I was 7, sis was 3 then.

At the beach, I remembered finding a really beautiful seashell underneath my feet on the sand.

From then we lead our own individual lives. As kids we never really cared about anything else besides wanting to explore the computer (I touched my first computer when I was 12!), watch TV, obsessed with my sweets in shiny plastic wrappers, and never thought of anything except dreading waking up at 6.30am and needing to change into school uniform on a Monday morning.

In primary school I'm concerned about excelling academically, then I took part in calligraphy competitions, soccer tournaments and track & field. All I knew was my sis was also in primary school, but I didn't bother myself with what she was doing then. When secondary school came I began seeing my sis lesser over the weekends, because the adults above us fought and nothing could be salvaged then. It all finally came to a conclusion at 15, sis was still in primary school then. The court decided each parent should bear the custody of one of us, which meant sis to mom and me to dad.

Still, it didn't occur to me that both my sis and me were losing our childhood together. I remembered I had an acute appendicitis at 13, hospitalized for 2 weeks then. I wasn't even sure if my sis knew about it. See, all I could write was about myself. If only I was there to listen to her stories after school, if only I can help her with her homework then, if only I can take time away from myself and give it to her. Things would have been different, it would have been better.

'taken in 2007.

Till date I've come to realize so much, the photo in 2007 was the next photo we've ever taken together, twelve years since we've grown thus far. I ask myself, what happened to the years in between, all I could come up were little chats over MSN in the much later years, when we both were masters in technology in such fields. Even so, it will never, ever replace what we've lost. And I'm sure, it never did.


In 2009 I was done with my national service and headed for Vet school in Australia. That's our story, our childhood.

I had a dream about my sis last night. I dreamt we were both studying in the same school, in a university - something that has never happened. I had similar dreams before, and it always goes back to the same story.

I mentioned no one can take your childhood memories away, and for that, it'll always be true that I never had a chance to see my own sis through any part of her education. I feel sorry for myself, for not standing up for her when I could have done so.

woke up every morning, and realized life's never the same again. if only all these weren't true.