"We never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those loved; we only learn to live with it and to live despite it; which makes living a richer thing. That is sorrow's gift."
- Applying Philosophy to Life, A.C Grayling.
I'm still living in denial. It might be easy for people to say accept it and move on. I say that to myself everyday but now and then sometimes I really hoped it was just a bad joke.
There're just too many things left undone, and life; how do you live life to the fullest? What's your definition of fullest? You left when we're just starting to realise what life is. I know you didn't want to, but God took you away.
I would wonder, what if I didn't live past tomorrow? What if I'm just gone like that. There're just too many things left unaccomplished.
For some reason, I always imagined how the parents themselves would have to handle all these. Imagine returning home and knowing your boy will never step into his own room ever again. The smell of the room, the messy corners of the room, the wardrobe of clothes..and just everything. They literally hanged there. It's like saying time stops at that instance. As harsh as it might be, we all know nothing will bring back what's already gone.
Every night I kept returning to pop by his facebk, hoping it wasn't true. Every day there're friends who wrote paragraphs of condolences to him and his family. But we all know he's not going to read it, his account will stay as how it is from that instance onwards. I don't know what to do. How am I going to accept it, I know I have to, but it's not working. It's as good as saying I have my friend on facebk but he's passed on. How do I explain how I'm feeling? Am I going to still see that last photo of him 20 years from now? or 30 years from now when my hair starts greying, already having a few kids and planning for retirement? I can't imagine that day coming, that when all of us grow old and change, but he's still there, looking the same.
Life is never about yourself, it's about the people around you. Because when they're gone, a part of you leaves with them. Life is really full of surprises, but at the same time, confusing. Sometimes it may seem that life promises you a bright future, but the matter of fact is, life doesn't promise you anything at all. So the next time when you think life is unfair to you, it is not. I think about my friends who have already left me and I tell myself - life is wonderful. I'm here and doing what I like.
"cherish every moment in life as if it's your last, appreciate and express how much you love the ones around you, for there's never always a second chance." - c.k. loh