Thursday, November 19, 2009


"We never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those loved; we only learn to live with it and to live despite it; which makes living a richer thing. That is sorrow's gift."
- Applying Philosophy to Life, A.C Grayling.

I'm still living in denial. It might be easy for people to say accept it and move on. I say that to myself everyday but now and then sometimes I really hoped it was just a bad joke.

There're just too many things left undone, and life; how do you live life to the fullest? What's your definition of fullest? You left when we're just starting to realise what life is. I know you didn't want to, but God took you away.

I would wonder, what if I didn't live past tomorrow? What if I'm just gone like that. There're just too many things left unaccomplished.

For some reason, I always imagined how the parents themselves would have to handle all these. Imagine returning home and knowing your boy will never step into his own room ever again. The smell of the room, the messy corners of the room, the wardrobe of clothes..and just everything. They literally hanged there. It's like saying time stops at that instance. As harsh as it might be, we all know nothing will bring back what's already gone.

Every night I kept returning to pop by his facebk, hoping it wasn't true. Every day there're friends who wrote paragraphs of condolences to him and his family. But we all know he's not going to read it, his account will stay as how it is from that instance onwards. I don't know what to do. How am I going to accept it, I know I have to, but it's not working. It's as good as saying I have my friend on facebk but he's passed on. How do I explain how I'm feeling? Am I going to still see that last photo of him 20 years from now? or 30 years from now when my hair starts greying, already having a few kids and planning for retirement? I can't imagine that day coming, that when all of us grow old and change, but he's still there, looking the same.

Life is never about yourself, it's about the people around you. Because when they're gone, a part of you leaves with them. Life is really full of surprises, but at the same time, confusing. Sometimes it may seem that life promises you a bright future, but the matter of fact is, life doesn't promise you anything at all. So the next time when you think life is unfair to you, it is not. I think about my friends who have already left me and I tell myself - life is wonderful. I'm here and doing what I like.

"cherish every moment in life as if it's your last, appreciate and express how much you love the ones around you, for there's never always a second chance." - c.k. loh

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


People come and go. We keep making friends and too, in the same instance, losing them. For some, we'll never have another chance to talk again. When reality hits us hard, the hardest is to accept.


Truth. We all know it's the truth. But then we again, we still constantly question ourselves every now and then. Time doesn't allow us to turn back. Every second as I'm writing, as I spoke and as I listened, is gone without a trace.


To my dear friend who worked and fought hard to chase his dream, deepest condolences to your parents and immediate family.
9 years since I knew you as a boy,
the fun and laughter we had together.
remember the times we met in Perth when you were here for your training,
then was the last time we ever had a warm handshake,
and asking a simple "how are you doing?"
A simple smile, knowing your good old friend is doing good.

you may have moved on,
but the memories will last an entire lifetime.
I'll pray for you.
Goodbye my friend.

Rest in peace.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

missing you.

really feeling it these few days. I miss my sister. Not that I don't miss her at all but sometimes reality hits me hard, one night when I was staring into the darkness outside of my window. 14 years since I've been away from her. I never understand how it feels or experience how is it like to go school together with your sister. It is really not about being in the same school or not, it doesn't matter; but I wasn't given the chance to bring her to school.

I recently saw on facebk with that social interview thing my sis did.

The question was "If you were given a chance to go back to the age you want, what would it be?"

She answered "4? So I can stay with my brother always, without any troubles. Totally in our own world."

It doesn't help with how I'm feeling right now.

All these years I never knew how it was like to stay with your own sister; growing up, going to school, shopping, eat or play together. I reflect upon my life for over the past decade and yes that is what it is. We led our own individual lives and thus far we have went.

So people always say we shouldn't harp on the past, and must embrace the future with open arms. But aside to that, I'm pretty lost.

"I can't change the past, I can't change how I'm feeling - But I can change what I want to do about it, I can build on the future." - c.k. loh

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Chapter 6.2 - Dreams; embrace tomorrow and cherish today.

“…daydreams, as it were ... I look out the window sometimes to seek the color of the shadows and the different greens in the trees, but when I get ready to paint I just close my eyes and imagine a scene.”
- ‘Grandma’ Moses

Talk about dreams. Many embrace the promises of tomorrow, too few celebrate the joy of today.

Someone asked if I'm excited about next year. I said I'm not.

People come and go. You make friends, and make new friends. You gain some, and lose some together.

I asked myself, 'is this the beauty of life?'

I closed my eyes. And this is what I saw.

Friday, November 06, 2009

run away.

Can do the same? I want to dive, deep down into the waters. I want to run away; I want to escape.