What would you sacrifice?

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5th year in the vet school, and here I am thinking to myself, that I'm really exhausted. I don't know what motivates me anymore. The career path isn't as bright as what many of you would think it is, earning big bucks, being 'god' with surgeon hands, being able to deal with a myriad of different species and constantly carrying that big and fat ego around wherever you go. To me, it is none of all I've mentioned, or any of those you would imagined. Of course, all that wouldn't really matter if you're born with a silver spoon.

At the end of the day, we are just a slave in the industry, just like most other trades. (Well unless you do not have to worry about having enough money to pay off debts and support yourself, you can either take it easier, or keep pursuing a higher level of qualification with peanuts funding) We work constantly to keep our clients happy, work so hard trying not to get your name up to the Vet. surgeon's board for a complaint, work hard to keep your boss happy, and work even harder to mark up our own knowledge and continuing education - all for a mediocre salary, comparable to that of the receptionist at the front desk. To be honest, besides having a Dr. in front of your name, and being able to prescribe medications, I don't see what else about the job entails.

Indeed, there is a lot of satisfaction you gain at the end of the day, which is not measurable in dollar terms. True to that. But for a miserable few thousand dollars a month? Let's not even think about spending unnecessary, or online shopping. That amount barely pays off the monthly utilities, expenses and food. That leaves you with little or no savings, right? So what do we do? We work longer hours, take on more shifts, day or overnight - whatever it takes to get that extra income, at the expense of our own mental health. Then one day we realize, what did we fight so hard for?

It's a real pity, we get ourselves so high up there with all that skills and knowledge, only for it to turn slavery to someone else. One slip from your game and you risk losing your license.

So my question is, I have already invested close to 1/3 of a million dollars into this degree, will I give it up for something else that makes me happy and will surely have a higher turnover income? Is money the main issue here? I would say yes. I truly applaud my colleagues for staying in the profession for so long - and of course if you didn't start off with a $300,000 debt, things may have worked in your favour.

A world of prejudice.

The society is overwhelmed with prejudice. I had made myself aware not to judge a person too quick and always see everybody with a fair eye. Deep down inside, everyone have their own story - and before we make our personal judgement on a person's character, why not keep that to yourself first and allow yourself to hear that story. It's rather an uphill challenge to be aware of your own thoughts. I know that, seriously. Because I know what and how we perceive people and life, is often shaped by our past experiences and the immediate environment.

Recently, I've been a victim of prejudice again. I felt both disappointed and sad that because of who I am and my ethnicity, I'm devoid of a chance to learn - at a place where I have every right to be involved and practice and learn. Instead, I've wasted my entire week only to realize my other mate of another ethnicity had a wonderful week having a go at every single learning opportunity to apply the skills. I felt judged, I felt I shouldn't have been treated in that manner, they made me feel I wasn't supposed to be there, and lastly, they made me feel as though I was invisible. I was the elephant in the corner of the room, unnoticed. I wasn't the quiet elephant who didn't make any noise, I spoke up, and I asked purposeful questions. Then I got single-word answers.

I'm furious yet I can't do anything. It's disgusting. eww.

Despite how many may make the world look beautiful, I'll never overlook what's hidden amongst the shadow. Still, everyone deserves to be fairly treated.

Beyond words.

If I could just close my eyes, and fall back - I would immerse myself in Hans (Florian) Zimmer's music pieces.

Remarkable.

***

I used to like the week(s) before exams, I like seeing the end, I like to know the path is clear to attaining those fundamentals - yet another step forward. So what happens to life? Life seems to stall, suddenly the attention is fixated on what students have to do - exams. The motivation for exercise has long disappeared, much to my disappointment. The inspiration to cook; is gone too. The time I used to spend reading news, now becomes the immediate 30min prior to closing my eyes for yet another night. I flipped through headlines on BBC news, much had happened around the globe - the US presidential elections, the Greeks' strike against austerity & the Europe crisis, the details of each article suddenly seem too much to go through knowing I have much more in my notes. Yet another excuse I've given myself to put a halt to so many things I want to do. If there's only one thing the human mind is capable of achieving, that will be the process of inhibition. The power of inhibition is extremely incredible, imagine what would happen if our thoughts aren't inhibited, and our actions portray our thoughts. Amazing.

"A candle that burns twice as bright, burns twice as fast." - to succeed is to know thyself.

The Avalanche

http://espanalillz.blogspot.com.au/2010/10/rainy-days-in-huelva.html

Recently, things hasn't been turning out the way I'd like them to be. Obviously, we don't expect everything to fall out perfectly in front of us, we can't expect all the seeds we sow to sprout, essentially, there's nothing like a perfect balanced happy world, right? 

Before I lose my sanity, I keep a blog of key moments in my life, which is now; as I write this. Lately, I'm convinced I've lost all my optimism. The energy I used to carry, the hope, the creativity, the laughter, they all have been taken away from me, either that or I've lost all of them completely. One after one, rocks rained down as if I've met with an avalanche. I tried to gather myself and stand amidst the cloud of rocks. A larger rock hit me. Then another one. And again. And again. And again. Whenever I thought the avalanche stopped, 9 out of 10 times I'd be wrong. I've tried, I'm not the sort who gives up easily. But hey, I'm beginning to lose that glimmer of hope, to lose my sight on that light at the end of the tunnel. 

Unbelievable. The harder I try to convince myself, the faster I feel I'm reaching the end of that depression curve. 

Help.

Hip Hop Violinist

Was youtube surfing when I came across Lindsey Stirling's video (right). It was a dance, but at the same time I was attracted to the violin on the video's preview. Turns out to be yet another, incredible talent out there.

And as you'd have expect, I went on to listen to one after another of Stirling's great violin dances.

       Two of my favourites below!

River flows in you.

 

 Spontaenous me.

Here's her website if anyone would like to follow this lively musician: http://lindseystirlingviolin.com/

or you can find her on facebook here!



:)

Blink.

Finally, my book has arrived! Can't wait to start on it. Very tempting.

The 4th book of Malcolm's!

My series by Malcolm, minus 'Blink', with jeri !

SH

Seems like we've reached the end of yet another week! I'm sure there are That many people who felt the week went past in a flash. A week of studying (for the first pharmacology exam today), running (i make it a point to run every alternate day when I don't have soccer training/games), and also a week of sleepless nights. Wonder what triggers the return of those episodes of insomnia. It is pretty daunting. Had it before, never want it to come back again.

Not to forget mentioning I finished Season 2 of Sherlock Holmes series! (Season 3 is still in the making) Really loved every episode of Sherlock's powress and pure intelligence. Speaking of which, there are only three episodes per season, what a pity though! Ninety minutes of me glued to the screen for every episode can't be any better.

No one does it better than Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman!

Can't wait for Season 3.


Also I've bought another (the 4th) book of Malcolm Gladwell - What the dog saw (Published Oct 2009).

This will complete my series by Malcom, great writer; what a talent.