Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The last few tricks?

Was playing maple with my sis...den u called and told me you wanted to terminate the internet. I am indeed very upset with this. I received a lousy excuse - an excuse you gave to smoke your way through.

Yes, it was their fault that the internet didn't work for 2 months, and so now there's no compensation from them. You got pissed off so that's the reason you wanted to cancel my internet over here in cck? Is that all? Is your EGO really so important to you? I cannot believe this. You've lost your daughter, now my grip on you is slowly being lubricated - by what you all have been doing - and slipping off. Not surely, but certainly.

Cancel the internet in January? Do it then. I'll survive this, I'm sure.

good gracious me. you tell me to go back pasir ris and use the internet if I needed to do so? OH MY. It's so inconvenient do you understand. Sorry, you don't. I need to handle much of my st john trainings for these 3 months and I definitely need the internet to receive updates, submit proposals, review training matters. wow, so I have to spend approx. 90 minutes to travel by train to pasir ris and walk another half an hour in, just to do a few clicks so that I could send an email? IS THAT IT?

This is totally ridiculous I feel. You really don't understand my life here. It's very convenient for you in pasir ris of cos, when both of you have a car each. Can't you spare more thoughts for me, I know you wanted me to stay in pasir ris. I have been trying my best to go back whenever I can afford the time, but too bad, you 2 always fail to notice what I've done. You 2 only saw what I've NOT done.

It goes the same for my school work, you (mom) never once take a look at my result slip, or rather perhaps once of twice. Maybe you'd have shrug it off 2 seconds after glancing through it. you (dad) always tell me to buck up on this subject and that area, but you never once recognize my effort in which I've been improving steadily. Therefore, I only know what I've not done well in, but I never once knew what I've excel in.

Often, I discover the areas of excellence myself. It's is really tough. But I've to thank my grandma who's always supported me through out my 10 years in education. Flashing back to the pre-A levels period. Just after my prelims, I told myself not to study so hard anymore. I gave up studying, really, for full 6 days. All I did was running and playing games online. All the encouragement my grandma gave me throughout that 6 days didn't work, I was too demoralised, shakened, weak at that time. Until the 7th day when all but what she sat down and told me shook me right in the head.

From there I picked myself up again. She is really the pillar of my life. No one else. If I could, I'd definitely live with my grandma. It was one of my reason for not wanting to stay in pasir ris. My grandma's old and now I've grown up. Shouldn't I take care of her now, for what she's done for me for my life. She shaped my future, she inculcate invaluable values and morals into me.

If my parents could be a little more understanding, things would turn out better. You wouldn't want to see yourself alone, 25 years down the road. of cos you'd want someone to take care of you and have someone to talk to. THINK AND INTERNALIZE.

I am not gaining any sympathy from anyone, please. I am writing it down for myself.

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